I stand still,
Still as death.
Inside me everything burns,
The fire in my nerves,
From my heart to the mind.
I can burn the worlds,
I can burn men and their hopes,
Laugh as they mourn at the ashes.
But, I stand still,
Still as death.
One breath and you are gone,
I am neither dead nor dormant,
I am just benevolent.
But, I stand still.
Still death.
‘Did you know Rajesh Khanna passed away two days ago?’, He asked.
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 28; the 28th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is ‘BLANK PAGES’.
Blank Page, when I first came to know this was the topic it seemed simple. But as is started to write or in this case type this article I knew there was so much that can be expressed but everything would appear so clichéd. And yes, I did start and scraped few drafts when I felt that I wrote it pretending to be someone else. I looked like one of those writers from old movies, first start something and then decided it’s not worth it and tear the page with vengeance crumple it and throw it on the ground next hundred more crumpled pages.
So what can I write about blank pages, so many people must have written on it that if someone could add anything new it would be a Christmas miracle. So as I am trying to come up with something new I started to think what can a blank page be associated to; and all I could come up is the same old clichéd examples.
So what does a blank page signify, a Childs mind? all pure, untouched, ready to be imprinted with words and images that will shape up the person the child will grow into. Or a new born nation where the people write the future.
Come to think of it, when someone says a blank page, the first thing that comes to mind is a white paper, nothing written, printed or painted on it. Why do we associate it such a way, why can’t someone picture a empty paper of any other colour, as long as nothing is written on it, qualifies to be a blank page, won’t it?
My blank page should be the soothing blue, like the Pacific, for some weird reason I have come to associate blue to Pacific, though I live miles away from it . And when I think about the pacific I picture a lonely windy Island, Coconut trees, lush greenery, uninhabited a small hill. Must be Cast Away affect, wouldn’t this uninhabited island qualify as a blank page after all its not been polluted by modernization.
And where else do I associate blank pages to, oh right, my exams! I am not talking about the answer sheets but my mind the way everything becomes white inside my head as I start to read the questions. What about writer’s block, it’s the same situation as my exams but here even the pages are blank.
So what do write about blank pages, as I said there is so much yet it can’t be expressed, like the time you discovered that you had a crush on someone first time in your life. There is so much you want to tell them but most of the times you end being a tongue tied idiot!
So I take my leave, my mind is blank now, not the blue nor the hopeful white, its black and blank. Even the closing sentence is a cliché .
Maybe Blank Pages in our minds do not exist, or maybe they do. For me the whole world is blue and I am glad it’s not blank.
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
The silence of the jungle was shattered by the loud intermittent horn from the car. It was frustrating for the man in the suit, he had lost everything that day. The very morning he was a wealthy trader, living in one of the most expensive parts of the city, a luxurious car and an Office on the 70th floor in one of those new sky scraper that had sprung up. He had a life, but now all that left is a debt that would take he could not possibly clear.
When he got the news, he walked out of the office and drove around the city trying to clear his mind, which did not help. And he drove away from the city and into the jungle and suddenly it all felt real. He had lost everything, everything he had worked for. He should have seen the signs, he had invested for a friend and the friend turned out to be a scumbag who vanished with everyone’s money . Life suddenly was unfair, he was being punished for someone else’s greed. Now sitting alone in his car on the deserted highway he had no clue what to do next.
The sun was on the horizon and sky was filled with birds returning to their nests, he got out of the car and stood looking on to the road in distance, he knew what he had to do, it suddenly hit him, he had to die.
He had no reason to live anymore, everything was over. He started to contemplate the ways he would end his life.
He took out a cigarette and started to smoke as he waited for some heavy vehicle to pass so he would flung himself in front of it, but the highway still remained empty. He felt more desperate and he felt everything go quite.
And then he heard the roar in a distance from the opposite side of the road , he hoped it would be some wild animal and if he was lucky enough it would smell out a potential prey.
But the roar continued and did not grow louder. Curious, he crossed the road and discovered red brick path that led into the jungle, instinctively he started followed the path. Surprisingly the path was clear of any bushes.
The roar grew louder as he walked on. As it grew louder drops of water started to hit his face. After a few minutes he reached a clearing and after the clearing was a huge waterfall on the other edge of the cliff. As he the edge of the cliff he saw a bench. He sat down on the bench and started to stare into the falls.
After a few minutes he got up and approached the edge of the cliff and stared into the abyss below. It was frightening, he mustered up enough courage to jump.
‘ You aren’t thinking to jump, are you?
The man was shocked to hear the voice and turned around to see a another man standing next to the bench.
The stranger was staring at him as he placed a long farming tool next to the bench. For a farmer he was strangely dressed, he was wearing denims and a hoodie, with his head covered with the hood, he was also wearing dark glasses.
‘How did you know that I was thinking to jump?’ asked the man.
‘ Well, I have seen many people jump off this cliff, and their faces also look the same before jumping, you have that face now’. Said the stranger.
Oh!
And the man sat on the bench with the stranger and they spoke for a long time. The man spoke on length of all his problems and how he had come to the decision of taking his life.
And finally the stranger spoke.
‘ When you put it that wait all looks grim, but before you take the leap think of all the times that you thought you will lose but somewhere you had the courage to fight and come back to the top. I am not saying that you will be enlightened in an instant and will find the solution to all your problems. Just give it a thought, it usually takes less courage to live than to take your own life.
The man felt a rush of life in him as the stranger was talking. He knew that he can come back, it might take him a while but all he had to do was go back to work in the morning and start again.
The man took a cigarette out and offered the stranger who refused.
The man lit the cigarette and started to plan on how to start things in morning.
As he blew the smoke and felt at peace.
He never realized as death got up and picked his scythe and walked away with his soul.
Down the dusty lonely road the bus drove on, there was no soul to be seen for miles and it seemed that even the bus was as old as the mountains it was passing by.
There were only two passengers on the bus, a young woman in her mid twenties. Her name was Stacy, an attorney by profession. She was on her way to meet her client, a reclusive millionaire whose portfolio Stay had recently acquired. This was her first big client. He had invited her to his place to spend a weekend with his family. And she had to get few papers signed and he had insisted that he visit her rather to use the postal service.
And the other passenger was an old man who was around 70 years old; he seemed to be a local resident going by the attire he was in. He had beads in his hands and he seemed to be lost in prayers.
Stacy felt bored as she had no one to talk to; the country around her was beautiful. But she was looking over some documents and has no interest in the view. She was worried since she had no mobile network and she had been out of touch for almost six hours now, she was lamenting all the wasted hours, the amount of work she could have completed and amount she could have billed to clients, she knew that her colleagues would be working away and that this absence from office would be affecting her future as her firm had made it clear that they she will not be allowed to bill this journey.
And suddenly the bus gave a couple of jerks and came to a halt. Stacy let a curse out. She did not notice the old man had noticed her. By the time she looked at him he was back in his prayers.
The driver having checked the engine came in and informed that it would take a couple of hours before they could continue the journey.
Stacy stepped out of the bus cursing, she was angry at the client for making her travel this far for couple of signatures. The old man too stepped out of the bus and was looking around after seeming to find something he started walking towards a little bridge at a small distance, he looked back and it looked if he was asking her if she would come too. But she wanted to stay and wanted to make sure that the bus gets repaired soon.
After few minutes she regretted staying back As it was getting too hot and she was thirsty, she asked the driver if he had water as she had emptied her bottle sometime back, the driver passed his water bottle. But she was unable to drink the water as it was really dirty. She remembered the old man carrying a bottle.
She approached the bridge, as she climbed down she could see a small river flowing and was sitting under a small tree and meditating. He opened his eyes and as she approached and offered his water bottle even before she asked. She thanked him and drank some water. She sat next to him and turned her laptop on to continue her work. But the laptop seemed to be out of battery and did not turn on, Stacy let another curse out.
‘Do you realise that this could be the most beautiful view that you have ever laid your eyes on?’ the old man said.
She wanted to retort that she had more important things on her mind, but he seemd to be back in his prayers.
Then she looked around and had to agree that the view was breath taking.
And suddenly clouds appeared out of nowhere and a breeze started to blow. The air was filled with fragrances of wet earth as little drops of rain started to fell from heavens, the breeze and the drizzle brought the heat down and everything around her looked fresh and beautiful. The greens of the mountains made the landscape breathe taking.
Stacy just looked around and wondered all the other places she must have missed in this journey. She strolled around the terrain and was feeling overwhelmed. She took her phone out to take pictures but it was turned off too.
After sometime the bus came and the driver called her, she came down and called the old man. He stood up and gave her one more water bottle and started to follow her.
She got into the bus and the bus started and moved on, surprised she asked the driver that he forgot the old man; the driver replied that there was no old man and she was the only passenger for the day. And then she observed a small painting next to the driver, it was of the old man, stunned she asked the driver who that person was. He replied that he was a monk who lived in these parts few hundred years back. And everyone around these places respected him a lot.
Stunned she came back to her seat and wondered if it was just a hallucination.
To this day she is unable to explain the water bottle in her hand.
Dec 10 09, what a day it has been yet, the whole state of Andhra glued to their televisions ( Except for those few who were busy wrecking public transport and climbing towers to jump of from towers in true Bollywood ishtyl), and the icing to this particular cake was Barack Obama’s noble ceremony (yes that’s true for all those who thought it was an April 1st joke, well you got fooled).
Here is the main part rather a few questions,
1> Were the agitators really sorry for losing their “BROTHERS”?
2> Or was it out of fear of loosing the two main rivers and not to mention Hyderabad?
3> And how do you give out such a prestigious award for someone who went on a whirlwind world tour in the name of intl diplomacy and ended it with deploying more troops in Afghanistan?
Yes Mr. President congrats.
But the comment on Gandhi was uncalled for. Just to remind you there was a whole nation following his every word. And now at such times we need a Gandhi in every nation
And the drama unfolding in Hyderabad, what can I say, the plot is more complicated than the daily mom has been following for more than a year (a typical saas-bahu one, it’s a torture honestly), with every politician retracing their own statements. And then there was this spree of resignations across the state (except Telangana of course). The number just kept increasing like Lanka’s score in the first T20.
Oh, by the way the environmental summit in Copenhagen lost its importance today in this part of the world. And “Tiger” Woods and least someone is living up to their name. That guy can now open a counseling center for men.
Well, I need to take a break gotta watch the news, praying to hear at least the word “Copenhagen” or “environment” today.(very unlikely though)
Dec 10 also marks one year of my first employment, and the best and the most important 365 days that followed. I pray it just continues…..
Nice way to celebrate an anniversary isn’t?
hooked to “tu janne na” from APKGK. It does explain the state i’m in. ( by state here i meant my emotional condition, not Andhra or Telangana)
How long does it take a person to start living life? That is if one considers the subtle difference between living and existing. It’s the time when all that you believed, all the thoughts, all the ideas, break and destroy the very foundation of your peaceful existence (if there is one such thing). It’s the time when you come to face the truth of principles on which the society we live is built upon. This is when everyone sleeps dreaming about everything that is unadulterated by the whims of manipulators around and to be woken up to find being puppets of a larger scheme called fate.
Welcome to life friends. Once living one comes across all the hypocrisy of the world and its people. Our society stands on pillar of hypocritical nature of its inhabitants. Maybe no other factor influences our lives so much. All the other feelings such as love, hate, anger, and prejudices are products of hypocrisy. All the little things we do show how hypocritical we are.
For instance we don’t mind to stamp a caterpillar if we see one, because we see it as an ugly, slimy worm. But sure we go in search of seeing a butterfly and yes butterflies are beautiful. A father would willingly become a fool to amuse his two year old son but will not tolerate the same son making him a fool twenty years later.
A self proclaimed naturist would willingly give away part of his life’s saving to his son who is investing in a Mexican or Italian restaurant; one has to live isn’t it? But what if he finds his son eats at the same place. Fanatics who cry afoul about other races polluting theirs won’t have an answer if asked about the race of the person who has spun the linen he wears or the one who has molded the plastic his pen is made of.
Do we have principles? Yes we do, but until we don’t have to follow it. We hate the very same principles if we have to follow them at some juncture. Hate another feeling that rules a large part of our lives. We hate everyone who is not from our country. We also hate our own countrymen for reasons abundant, we hate him coz he is from our neighboring state and they steal our river’s water, discrimination does not end here, we will not shriek away from hating though he is from the same state, reason he may be from a different region, religion, community, and town. We will hate our own townsmen as their place fetches more bucks than ours.
Maybe I am a hypocrite or,
Maybe I haven’t stated to live yet
Confessions of an insomaniac 